The One Where Backstreet's Back, Alright!

The TV Diaries
Jan 19, 2017
6 min read

And we're back, continuing from the cliffhanger that we left off with last week, Liz leaving and the impending Rose Ceremony. Liz may no longer be in our presence but her lovely night with Nick at Jade and Tanner's wedding (I swear, this better be the last time we write this) is still being talked about. It's just funny how shocked and bothered all the ladies are by this revelation, questioning Nick's intentions now, but does no one remember him calling Andi out on it ON LIVE TV? Yes ladies, he's slept with other women, and probably had more than one one-night-stand ... You all knew this coming into the show and you're all overtly sexualising yourselves as a result, so suck it up and be grown women and accept it. OR here's a thought: DON'T COME ON A SILLY REALITY SHOW TO FIND "LOVE"!!!!!!

Aside from all this Liz drama and Nick having to calm the ladies down, Corinne is upstairs with nothing but a trench coat on in hopes to woo Nick. We just don't understand her. You're on this show to get engaged, not just be a sex kitten. She isn't taking it as seriously and if we were one of these women we would probably just leave, because apparently he doesn't want a real relationship if he's entertaining this:

[Photo credit: ABC video still]

We just don't understand why Nick thought none of the girls would see him with her out there? As if he thinks they have an invisibility cloak or something ... this isn't Harry Potter people! Obviously Corinne got upset the more awkward Nick felt, but she quickly got over it and went to bed before the Rose Ceremony even began.

Other than that, it was a pretty uneventful night and the lucky ladies who got to stay to endure another week in the mansion were: Astrid, Taylor, Kristina, Rachel, Jasmine, Whitney, Sarah, Jaimi, Danielle L., Corinne, Christen, Vanessa, Alexis, Brittany, Dominique, Josephine, Raven, and Danielle M.

Group Date #1: "Everybody...."

This is less of a group date with Nick and more of BSB having a group date with Taylor, Kristina, Jasmine, Whitney, Danielle L., Corinne, and Christen. Now the two of us have very different views on this date, mainly because one of us is a BSB fan while the other is a die-hard NSYNC fan. So we decided to split this part up:

Rose’s thought’s of the date as a former/current old school BSB fan

Okay so BSB just shows up to the Bachelor mansion, and I am totally okay with this. Brian comes in being all wise and shit - you do Glen Coco. Oh sorry, what happened? I was busy singing along to old BSB songs. I love how everyone is talking about hanging out with BSB, completely forgetting about Nick...Nick Viall, not Nick Carter. They are fully aware they are hanging out with Nick Carter. “Thank God the Backstreet Boys are happily married” - good one Nick Viall. Sorry, I feel like I have to specify what Nick I am referring to on this date. Okay let’s get on with it.

Oh yippee, more tears from Corinne. Her attempting to dance is probably the most entertaining thing right now. Also, the amount of times we've already had to write CORINNE in this recap of the episode is killing me. Gurl, I am so over you - and that my friend, is called closure. Yes, that was a quote stolen from Friends, but it was relevant. Okay so the dance goes on, blah blah blah...and the winner of the serenade is….DANIELLE! Okay good, I actually like this one.

[Photo credit: ABC/Rick Rowell]

Ali's thoughts of the date as a former/current NSYNC (the better group) fan

First off, don't argue with me, NSYNC spawned Justin Timberlake (you're sooooooooo welcome), JC Chasez (you're also welcome because hawt), Joey Fatone and his role in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Lance Bass and his mission to go to space (not as great but still more than we can say about these losers..). I will apologise for Chris though, never really cared for him.

ANYWAY, this date was very painful to watch from the awful live singing (stick to the vocal tracks we all know you actually use) to the awful dancing by (most) of the girls. I honestly couldn't even get past the awful singing so let's just say, I'm happy Corinne didn't get to enjoy the painful serenade and awkward dance with Nick.

Now to the evening portion of the date where we can both agree that CORINNE is the WORST. Corinne and her “platinum vagine” are out to play in that dress of hers. Of course she takes him away first, girls are pissed off, same story, different night. When she returns to the girls, the gods finally rewarded us with some comedy at the expense of Corinne. Yes, she's 24 years old, "running a multi million dollar company" and she still has a nanny who makes her bed, cooks her cheese pasta (mac and cheese? someone clarify...) and reminds her to wipe her a$$ after she goes to the bathroom. The reaction this gets is wonderful and brings so much joy to our lives. The rest is pretty uneventful and Danielle gets the group date rose.

We just have one thing to say...POOR RAQUEL!!!!!!!

[Photo credit: ABC]

One on One Date: "You make me feel like I am floating"

Vanessa was the lucky lady with this week's one on one date. Now, we use lucky lightly because Nick is the bachelor and she does have to spend the day with him. The date itself was amazing!!! Who wouldn't want to experience zero gravity??? Unfortunately, Vanessa got a little nauseous and ended up puking on the date. Yes, we said PUKING! We don't know what is worse, the fact that she did in fact puke, or she never got to brush

[Photo credit: ABC]

her teeth and thought gum was an acceptable alternative to getting rid of all that stank and acid that she just threw up. OH and Nick also kissed her too and said she tasted fine. EW. EW. EW.

Being a couple of Canadian gals with no real interest in the matter, we think the date was actually pretty great and kind of wish we could have been on it. Nick seems to really like Vanessa and she actually seems like the first person he's ever had a genuine conversation with in this house (and probably EVER!). Oh, and she got the rose, OBVIOUSLY!

Group Date #2: "I'm done playing the field"

Well first off, no Nick you're not ... which is why you're on this show dating a brood of women. Second, if I got this date I would have been SO pissed. Our lucky ladies this week were: Rachel, Alexis, Astrid, Jaimi, Sarah, Brittany, and Dominique.

[Photo credit: ABC]

So we find ourselves at a track because all of a sudden Nick is portraying Danny Zuko trying to impress his Sandy. Also, how the heck do all these women know who these Olympian athletes are? We couldn't name a single one on team Canada ... Anyway, the seven ladies compete, bringing it down to a final three who need to sprint, grab this obnoxiously large ring, and then meet Nick in a hot tub at the end. We feel ourselves wanting to vomit as we write this. We may be catching what Vanessa had. In the end, Astrid swoops in (giant unsupported boobs and all) and grabs the ring as Rachel knocks it over off the table and smashes it into a pile of dust. She then proceeds to GET INTO THE HOT TUB WITH HER CLOTHES ON ..... ummmm ma'am, the chlorine will KILL your clothes. No man is worth that. I'm surprised they didn't make her get naked or something. That seems to be the theme of this season.

During the evening portion, Dominique got sent home (it was her fault honestly) and Rachel got the group date rose.

Back at the mansion the following day (right?), instead of having a Rose Ceremony, Nick (the Producers) wanted to have a Pool Party. Just a few key takeaways here:

Alexis is hilarious and she better be on BIP, starting that petition NOW
Apparently when the girls hear Nick is coming for a pool party, their instinct was to do squats in their bikinis (okay....)
Corinne is obviously bat shit cray and contouring her face rather than being downstairs to greet Nick as he walks over in his ... hoodie.
Corinne (the Producers) got Nick a bouncy castle .. yup, off of being 5 years old. And then they proceed to rub up against each other for all the ladies to see. Again, NO CLOAK OF INVISIBILITY!!!!
Vanessa: "I'm not judging Corinne, I'm judging your actions" .. "Are you looking for a wife or for someone to fuck around with?"
YAAASSS GIRLLLLLL, SLAYYYYYYYY