The One With All the (Bull) S#!&

Week Four and we're all still awake, alive, and attentive ... GO US!

So we start where we left off at the pool party where all the girls are still very upset about Corinne and the jumpy castle while Nick tries to weasel his way out of it. We love how Vanessa just wasn't having any of it. She honestly said exactly what we were thinking: Nick, your actions say you want a side piece and not a true wife, so why should these women invest their time and hearts if you're entertaining this idiot?

[Photo credit: ABC Television Network]

The rose ceremony itself was pretty uneventful and the ladies who made it to the next round were: Alexis, Astrid, Corinne, Danielle L, Danielle M, Jaimi, Jasmine, Josephine, Kristina, Rachel, Raven, Sarah, Taylor, Vanessa, and Whitney. We have to admit we're really going to miss Christen's facial expressions and we hope to see her re-appear on BIP.

So, as most seasons have done, it's time to take these ladies on quite the world tour. And where is this first stop you may ask? MILWAUKEE, WI. *cue anti-climatic sighs*

We can't even pretend Milwaukee (Waukesha), WI looks interesting. We're definitely happy to see Nick's family start re-appearing but what we're not happy about it hearing Nick with this very strange nasally voice thing. Where did this come from? Does he think he's Woody Allen or something? It's also so great that Nick's dad feels the same way about him being on this show for the 3rd time as we do ... Pops, we don't want to see him on this show again either so FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE LET THIS WORK!!!!

One on One: Danielle L.

First thing's first, Danielle is super sweet and we think she may still be a little starstruck by Nick which explains all of her silly, flirty and awkward laughing throughout the date. They start off by making cookies (aka. the Nickerdoodle ...... yeah, we didn't make that up). After making their respective cookies kiss, they take a stroll down the street and run into none other than one of Nick's ex-girlfriends (naturally). How much do you want to bet this was perfectly planned by the producers? Obviously this conversation was overly positive, 100% awkward as heck, and clearly we are annoyed by it but such is life! As if she just said that Nick is heart-driven ... if you say so? (COUGH .. CORINNE .. COUGH!!).

[Photo credit: ABC Television Network]

Onto the night portion Danielle discusses her parents divorce when she was 17 and how this greatly affected her dating life. Ali: just as a quick aside, I don't know if this was a hostile divorce or not, but I think it's a little immature to blame your poor dating history on your parent's divorce. I don't let that stop me from trusting anyone and I don't think it's fair to yourself to have the mistakes of your parents severely affect your life in such a huge way. People deal with far worse and make it through life just fine. She also apparently doesn't want to rush into a relationship or marriage but okay yeah so coming on this show is obviously so in line with your beliefs. Sweet, sweet Danielle gets the rose and is surprised by a concert filled with pretty much everyone in the city and a performer we've never heard of.

Group Date - "I don't know if it's the cow shit or the bull shit, but I smell shit"

This date was a little cheesy if you ask us ..... (yeah, we went there). Invited on this lovely date filled with crappy farm chores we have: Rachel, Alexis, Vanessa, Jasmine, Jaimi, Sarah, Whitney, Kristina, Astrid, Taylor, Josephine, Danielle M. and Corinne. Milking cows and shoveling poop, yes, that is the ideal date for a bunch of women dressed to the nines and a city boy to participate in. Josephine is WAY to excited that she fed a horse some hay, and Jaimi is NOT surprisingly really good at milking a cow.... However horrible this date was, the best attitude award goes to Jasmine because she was embracing it - full force. The award for the worst attitude goes to Corinne, because well obviously a princess' hands hurt when you so much as

[Photo credit: ABC Television Network]

expose them to fresh farm air. But like she said, thank god she didn't wear designer on this date. There's honestly so much we can say to cut up Corinne but is it even worth it? We'll just leave you with some of her notable lines on the date:

• "I don't know how to do chores, let alone farm chores."

• "I want to be in a spa, being fed a nice taco."

• "Raquel is better than farm chores. She works for me."

Alright, now the evening portion of this date is when the real s#!& went down. Corinne grabbing her breasts saying that she is "mature" is the greatest thing on television right now. The fact that we are the same age as Corinne makes us question so many things... As a quick aside, ABC carries us away from the drama for approximately 2.5 seconds to Vanessa sharing a little scrapbook her students made for Nick. SO CUTE! We are totally #TeamVanessa! Alright, we are back and Corinne is deciding to address the situation of everyone hating on her in a "mature, adult way" - this should be good. Girls bring up all the disrespectful things Corinne has done for the past few weeks, including her excessive napping, and all she hears is "Omg they are mad at me for taking a nap". NO GIRL, THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY ARE SAYING! Forget it, this is too difficult for even a smart grown ass woman like Vanessa to explain to you, so let's bring in the Russian. Kristina is probably one of the greatest contestants because half the time we have no idea what she is saying, but it is pure GOLD. She was so real with Corinne - “You asked, I answered”. And because she was equally as amazing with Nick, he gave her the group date rose. HOORAY!

[Photo credit: ABC Television Network]

One on One - Raven becomes a soccer mom!

What a perfect choice for a hometown date in a small town. First things first, BELLA IS BACK BABY! We missed this wise little gal. They have a pretty standard soccer mom and dad type date and Raven gets to meet our fave gal Bella and Nick's parents. We also felt that his dad made Raven feel extremely uncomfortable and that it was really strange how Raven could not look him in the eye... Post-game they decide to go to a roller-skating park and we are both pretty jealous. We are loving the vibe we are getting from this date!! Raven and Bella are having real conversations and Nick is just rolling on by trying to be noticed...and then BAM - Kiss Me by The Cranberries starts to play and basically anything that happened after this was only perfect because of this song.

[Photo credit: ABC Television Network]

We definitely all thought Raven was just this quiet, small town girl from Arkansas, but then she so confidently shares the story of what she did after she caught her ex cheating on her, I think everyone had a collective WTF moment. She beat the crap out of her ex while he was butt naked having sex with another girl after she forcefully kicked the door open. THIS GIRL IS OUR HERO!! We guess Nick was impressed too because she got the rose.

Cocktail Party

Ultimately this was the Corinne vs Taylor show. The two youngins battling it out high school style. In one corner we have Taylor (the side we're standing behind) trying to explain to Corinne that her actions and her maturity level is not that of a soon-to-be financé/wife. In the other corner we have Corinne, trying to convince us that she IS mature because she runs a multi-million dollar company (whatever). Unfortunately, Taylor seems to be going up against a brick wall and frankly, it doesn't seem worth it to us to waste time or energy trying to get through to her.

Thanks for sticking with us this week and we hope to see you back here for week 5!!!

- The TV Diaries

#NickViall #LosAngeles #TheBachelor #Milwaukee